Take Another Little Piece.
It seems like every day that goes by offers little steps forward and little heartbreaks. It’s not about the year 2020 anymore. It’s all internalizing and either accepting or denying defeat. I don’t know about you, but I get whiplash with the amount of good/bad news throughout the day.
I realize that I have a bit of an addiction, by way of my email account. I don’t check any other social media (ya, email is social media) as much as I do my Gmail. There’s a bit of a thrill that comes from that little envelope at the bottom of the page lighting up with numbers. I’ve gone to the trouble of opting out of every email that falsely gets my hope up. I still don’t know how to get off the New York Times mail list, I’ve certainly tried.
Just now, I paused to check my email.
What the fuck?!
So I start to question myself. What am I waiting for?
Even when I get a response; get a job, get a gig, find a new writing opportunity…I am still looking forward to the next one.
What is it about email that has me hooked on that refresh button? There’s an anticipation, a giddy little feeling of possibility.
I have thought that it could be my isolation from others that has fueled this obsession. We’re all so cut off with this pandemic, this worldwide health crisis that has left no person untouched (maybe the really, really rich ones remain untouched), and for me, even as an introvert, I find myself wishing I could be around other people. Like-minded people, those with similar interests — even if that interest is just drinking — I just miss people.
There are those times that when I check my email that the message is not an ad or political Crown Royal bag open and jiggling for my money, that the informal text implies a real live person. That’s when I get happy. That email could hold an awesome new contact, or a great freelance gig, or maybe even a goddamn movie deal.
***BTW all of those things happen often…except the goddamn movie deal.
So, what am I getting at?
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m getting at anything. I’m not big on lessons. It’s probably why I love the new film Another Round. That film manages to tell an entire story about drinking without ever demonizing it.
I think that’s what I’m doing.
I’m not going to stop checking my email. I don’t expect you to. I guess I just wanted to think about why is is so mesmerizing at this point in time, this little button that opens up an entire world of “maybe’s” and “what-ifs”. I am held captive until I have a person standing in front of me, personally, physically offering me an NDA to sign.
